This is a comedy for young teenagers. Remember this, because the advertising and trailers, especially the blue backlit poster of a young, monster-headed Rainn Wilson, marketed The Rocker in the vein of R-rated comedies such as The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up. It is anything but.

“The Rocker”

Rated: PG-13

Starring: Rainn Wilson (The Schrutinator!), Christina Applegate, Teddy Geiger, Josh Gad, and Emma Stone.

IMDb Rating: 6.1
RottenTomatoes: 36% Rotten (Ouch.)

Sample Review:

It’s totally predictable, but if you’ve ever nursed a rock-star fantasy at any age, it’s impossible to hate this. And the three kids are really good.

Yes, this movie is predictiable, but I wouldn’t necessarily say the three kids are “really good.” Teddy Geiger plays the emo lead of a floundering garage band that is sorely in need of a drummer in order to play their big prom gig. His fat, curly headed keyboardist just so happens to be related to the former drummer of the Guns & Roses-esque band Vesuvius.

Robert Fishman, also known as Fish (Wilson), has not drummed in 20 years, due to the volatile break up he had with his band as they moved on to bigger, better things. Left in their wake, Fish takes on corporate jobs while struggling to keep his long hair and rocker image, and living daily with the reminder that his friends abandoned him, and the music, for fame and fortune. Confronted with this new opportunity to be in a working band again, Fish decides to join his nephew’s high school band, A.D.D.

A semi-successful prom performance and a naked drumming YouTube video later, and these kids are a hit. Here is where the movie takes a turn into Disney channel follow-your-dreams crap. Fame, touring, and a music video are dumped into their laps, seemingly without reason. What’s worse, their parents consent to let three underage kids tour with Fish…obviously not a good idea, considering his propensity for drinking heavily and being utterly irresponsible.

Don’t get me wrong, it was a fun hour and a half, so I can’t really fault the film. There are a few heartfelt and inspirational moments, but all of them pale in comparison to the similar yet superior School of Rock. Dwight…er…Rainn is acceptable in his role. He got a few chuckles out of me. But I felt that his character was sorely out of his element in a feel good teen movie. This guy should have been the center of a film worthy of the title: a filthy raunch-fest with a heart of gold. This movie was a few good boobies and beers short of awesome, and the character of poor Fish got the Vesuvius treatment because of it.

Two bright spots of the film are Emma Stone and Josh Gad. Emma is an alumni of one of the funniest movies of last year, Superbad. Here she’s not given as much to work with, but she is still enjoyable as the “post-modern…punk…girl” bassist whose untamable red hair and decidedly atypical music video looks get the best of her. Gad, who was one of the more memorable minor characters in the movie 21, again plays the hopeless nerd, this time behind a keyboard (where he obviously belongs).

But perhaps my greatest complaint about the film is the music. The movie is called The Rocker for Bono’s sake. These kids should have been playing some hardcore power tabs and actually rocking! Instead, their whiney little lead singer writes sad ballads and whips them out in Coldplay-ish arrangements, mid-tempo filler complete with sappy keyboard parts. I would expect a longtime rock dude like Fish to knock some sense into these kids and introduce them to some actual rock and roll music, inject some Dio or Rolling Stones into their sad Top 40 lives.

The Rocker? This movie should have been called The Soft Rocker. Or maybe The Adult Contemporary Artist.